philosophical jokes one liners

As a funeral director I always tie the shoelaces of the deceased together. So if there is a zombie apocalypse, it'll be freakin' hillarious
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Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows it.Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.If steroids are illegal for athletes, shouldn't Photoshop be illegal for models?
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